Superhero Movies on Steroids Series: Movie #109

Thor (2011)

Plot: After disobeying his father (Anthony Hopkins), Thor (Chris Hemsworth) is cast out of the powerful realm of Asgard, losing his power and throne, forever exiled to Earth. Thor befriends a group of scientists as he tries to take back his hammer, the source of his power.  Meanwhile, his mischievous brother Loki (Tom Hiddleston) takes over the throne on Asgard.

THOR!  This movie kicks ass!  Aside from bad ass action up and down this film, there is actual acting and character development going on.  You can’t say that about a lot of Marvel movies.  Why is the acting so good?  Kenneth Branagh is in the directing chair, and he could not have been a better choice.  When people first heard there was going to be a Thor movie, they all laughed, me included.  I thought there would be some cool hammer attacks, but nothing more.  Thor is basically a mix between Star Trek and Lord of the Rings, and while that seems awesome on paper, it’s also a recipe for a convoluted and silly disaster.  But Branagh actually makes it as cool as it sounds.  He blends the fantastical world of Asgard with Earth perfectly.  It’s beautifully edited.  Before this movie opened, I could already hear the inevitable complaints in my head from fanboys: ‘Asgard was cool, but then he went to Earth, and there should have been more Asgard!  Mmmmrrraaaaa!’  Not the case.  You get just enough of both worlds, and it transitions back and forth seamlessly.  And the setting of Asgard looks gorgeous.  Wow.  My favorite set piece though is the rainbow bridge.  That was fascinating to look at.  Thor describes his world as both science and magic, and the bridge truly looked like a combination of both things.  I also just love watching the portals open to other worlds.  The effects are top notch.  The action is outstanding, especially the Battle on Jotunheim.  Holy shit balls.  Thor just wrecks this place as if he were the Green Bay Packers playing the Seattle Seahawks (Sorry Seahawks fans).  The stuff he does with that hammer is jaw dropping.  And I love how all the characters display their own unique fighting styles.  The film probably could have used a tad more action though.  It slows up just a bit in the middle.  But the real strength of this movie really is the characters and acting.  Chris Hemsworth’s charisma is dripping off the screen.  He has several scenes with Anthony Hopkins, and Hemsworth is right there with him, and even out acts him at times.  Tom Hiddleston as Loki is one of the better superhero villains of recent memory.  He really is devious in every sense of the word, but he’s also a villain that you truly sympathize with when you learn his back story: A fantastic performance from Hiddleston.  What I appreciate about Thor is it’s plethora of great side characters, which is something Iron Man doesn’t have.  Sif is a strong character, and I thought the Warrior’s Three were a lot of fun.  The characters on Earth work great too.  Hemsworth and Natalie Portman have great chemistry, Stellan Skarsgard was extremely likable, and Kat Dennings as the comic relief is genuinely funny.  The whole ‘fish out of water’ angle works pretty well.  When Thor walks into the Pet Palace demanding a horse…that’s pretty funny, come on.  But it never gets too goofy.  The score is also very powerful.  This is easily an upper echelon superhero movie, and in my opinion, Marvel’s crowning achievement so far.  THE GOD OF THUNDER!

Rating: 8.5 out of 10 (Really Great)    

Category Rankings (Spoilers Throughout):

Best Performance: Chris Hemsworth as Thor
-He owns the screen.  From this point forward, no one else can play this role.

Worst Performance: Dakota Goyo as Young Thor
-I feel bad on this one, but I just couldn’t think of anyone else.  He’s in one scene, and has only one line I think, but it’s delivered horribly.  Sorry Dakota.

Best Line: “I have no plans to die today.” -Thor 
                          “None do.” –Heimdall
-Great line.  But it’s made even better when delivered by Heimdall, who’s just a total bad ass.

Worst Line: “Oh…My…God.” –Jane
-We just experienced this great emotional moment when Thor gets his hammer back, and his armor starts to re-form.  The score is blasting in epic fashion, but then Natalie Portman has to go and deliver this line in horrendous fashion.  It was a flashback to her Star Wars prequel days.  I don’t know how Branagh let this slide.

Best Fight:
-Thor and Loki at the end is more of an emotional fight then a straight up brawl, and those are the ones I usually prefer.  The fight is great to look at as they battle inside the observatory and then move out onto the bridge.  There’s a lot of awesome sound effects and clanging of the weapons.  This is a strong climax to the film.

WTF Moment:
-Asgard looks great, but why does the castle look like a church organ?

Best Scene:
-This was a tough pick.  I almost went with Thor’s banishment, but it barely gets edged out by Loki learning he’s adopted and a Frost Giant.  Tom Hiddleston is fantastic in this scene: he’s just completely destroyed by this information.  This is illustrated perfectly when Loki shouts ‘So I am no more than another stolen relic, locked up here until you might have use of me.’  Great line.  The scene is a great back and forth between him and Anthony Hopkins.

Worst Scene:
-Thor getting hit with a taser after landing on Earth is pretty bad.  It’s not so much the taser, but for some reason, Hemsworth’s acting sucks in this scene.

Funniest Moment:
-It was in the trailer a lot, but I really do like Thor’s approval of coffee.

Thor: This drink, I like it…Another!

Thor smashes the cup.

Bad Ass Moment:
-There’s a lot to choose from, including 500 different options just with Thor’s hammer alone, but I’m going a little unconventional here.  It’s a very subtle moment.  When Thor enters the palace to receive his kingship, the crowd goes crazy.  Odin simply stands up and lightly taps his staff.  It makes a thunderous noise that felt like it vibrated throughout the whole room, silencing everyone immediately.  I love that moment.

Movie Review – Warrior

Plot: Two brothers who haven’t spoken in years enter an intense Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) tournament called ‘Sparta.’  One is a physics teacher (Joel Edgerton) who hasn’t fought professionally in years.  The other is a former marine (Tom Hardy) who is trained by his recovering alcoholic father (Nick Nolte) whom both brothers still hold a grudge with.

In many ways, Warrior is your typical cliché sports movie, but the emotions and conflicts in this film are so intense, it transcends the generic sports story.  Yes, it has the underdog story.  Yes, it has the ‘he’s going up against an insurmountable opponent’ plot line, but it’s not about that.  It’s about these two brothers, and how shattered their relationship is between themselves, but more importantly, with their father played brilliantly by Nick Nolte.

The acting is off the charts.  Nick Nolte plays Paddy Conlon, a recovering alcoholic who’s been sober for almost 1,000 days.  He wants nothing more then to be close with his sons again, but both hate him beyond belief for his past actions.  Yes, it’s a storyline we’ve seen a hundred times, but there are some truly heartbreaking moments Nolte delivers.  One scene that really got to me is when Paddy visits the elder son Brendan, and Brendan doesn’t even let him come in the house to see his two granddaughters.  The end of this scene is soul crushing, and Nolte nails it.  But his best scene, and what I believe is an Oscar moment, takes place in an Atlantic City hotel room after his younger son Tommy was particularly vicious towards him a few moments earlier.  I’m telling you, this scene really knocks you on your ass.  It’s Christian Bale the Fighter level acting.

As good as Nolte was though, the two leads (Joel Edgeton and Tom Hardy) are right there with him.  Edgerton’s performance makes it real easy to root for him.  He’s the guy you really follow in this movie, and I can’t imagine anyone else playing this role.  They also give his character the best secondary relationships.  The bond between him and his wife (Jennifer Morrison) is effective, as well as the banter and friendship between Brendan and his manager (Frank Grillo).

But the man who steals the show is Tom Hardy.  The character he plays is like an angry Rocky Balboa.  He dresses like Rocky, approaches fights similar to Rocky, but he’s certainly not going to tell a joke like Rocky.  He is a bitter, bitter human being, and Hardy’s performance is fascinating.  It’s in the fighting scenes though where he really shines: Hardy is ferocious.   I was already excited for his Bane performance in the Dark Knight Rises next summer, but now I’m foaming at the mouth. 

The director for this is Gavin O’Connor, who also did Miracle.  He should just direct every sports movie.  He builds up the tension so well.  The two brothers don’t even have a scene together until much later in the film, and you are on pins and needles waiting for that moment.  When they finally meet up at night on the beach, he withholds their first dialogue exchange just a little bit longer as they slowly walk towards each other.  They probably could have used one more scene together though, which would have made the ending even that much stronger.  And yea, I’m not spoiling anything here because it’s in the trailers, but they eventually fight in this tournament.  And what’s so interesting is that not only is the fight intense, but they battle their issues with each other within the fight, and it’s really brilliant with how they do it.  They also build up these little mini conflicts between some of the other fighters which are also effective. 

The directing isn’t perfect though.  I hated the panel style editing during the training montage.  Didn’t we learn our lesson from this with Ang Lee’s Hulk?  There’s also too many comedic moments in some of the more serious scenes.  There’s this whole section devoted to Brendan’s school, and how the Principal (Kevin Dunn) is a closet MAA fan.  He’s watching Brendan fight at home, and they do all these annoying cut backs to him cheering.  It’s just too much.  The movie is also paced way too slow.  For the most part, it’s beneficial to the film, but it doesn’t need to be this long.

But I can completely forgive the director for these mistakes with how great everything else is.  Coming from someone who’s not a fan of MMA at all, I thought the fights scenes were filmed exceptionally well.

But trust me: you don’t have to be an MMA fan to appreciate this movie.  Like I said, it’s not about that.  It’s about these three characters, and exploring how broken their relationships are, and the horrors of their past, especially with what you learn about Hardy’s character.  This film is an emotional roller coaster, especially at the end…maybe even a little too over the top.  This is easily one of the best movies of the year.  The music is great.  The performances are great.  The directing is great.  It’s great.

Rating: 8.5 out of 10 (Really Great)

Superhero Movies on Steroids Series: Movie #108

Thor: Tales of Asgard (2011, animated)

Plot: The early adventures of Thor (Matt Wolf), prince of Asgard, and the tale of how he came into possession of a powerful sword that could spark another war between the Asgardians and their long time enemies, the Frost Giants.

I don’t know if making a movie about a young Thor who doesn’t have his hammer was the best way to go.  If you make a Thor movie, he should have his hammer.  I just didn’t care about this whatsoever.  It’s fairly boring, and there’s just no punch to it.  There is some solid characterization going on though.  The Warrior’s Three was a lot of fun, especially Fandral.  Sif was a strong character.  And I like the relationship between Thor and his brother Loki, especially at the end where there is an emotional pay-off.  There’s also a good character twist at the end that I didn’t see coming.  It does feel very Saturday Morning cartoonish though, particularly when the Warrior’s Three is first introduced.  The music is also just atrocious.  There are some cool fight sequences and a couple of bad ass shots, like when Thor first holds the Elder Storn sword, but this is mostly forgettable.  I have nothing else to say other than being upset that I’m watching a Thor movie where he doesn’t throw his hammer.

Rating: 5.5 out of 10 (Passable Entertainment)

Category Rankings (Spoilers Throughout):

Best Performance: Paul Dobson as Hogun
-Hogun is one of the members of the Warrior’s Three.  He’s an overly serious character, and kind of a dick.  I have to say though…he comes off as pretty funny based on the fact that the other two members of the Warrior’s Three are so goofy.  It really makes him stand out.

Worst Performance: Matt Wolf as Thor
-Way too whiney…that’s my analysis.

Best Line: “I left right after your opponents threw you back your weapon.” –Sif to Thor
-Wow…Thor just got owned.

Worst Line: “I was just so eager to prove myself” –Thor
-When you read the line on paper, I’m sure you’re like, ‘What’s the big deal with this line?’  But this was delivered in the whiniest way possible…really irritating. 

Best Fight:
-Thor against Algrim was actually pretty cool.  The setting goes completely dark, as the only light is on Thor.  And the way the fight ends is pretty bad ass, but we’ll get to that later.

WTF Moment:
-I’m just going to repeat this for a fourth time.  A movie where Thor doesn’t use his hammer is BS…WTF!

Best Scene:
-Piggybacking on my Best Line choice, I love when Sif totally shows Thor up at the barn by using a farm tool.  Poor Thor.

Worst Scene:
-As much as I enjoyed the Warrior’s Three, their first scene is pretty bad.  They are way too jokey when telling their tales, and then Thor comes in, and, you guessed it…whines.

Funniest Moment:
-When the Warrior’s Three find out Thor has secretly boarded their ship, Thor reveals Loki has come along as well.  Fandral has the best delivery when he goes, ‘And you brought Loki.’  Fandral says this in a way that’s like, ‘Oh, you brought the nerd along?  Come on, man.’  Poor Loki…nobody wants to hang out with him.

Bad Ass Moment:
-So going back to that Thor/Algrim fight.  Thor ends the battle when he throws Odin’s spear with pin point accuracy right through Algrim in complete darkness.  To do that in complete darkness almost made up for all his whining earlier in the film…almost.

Superhero Movies on Steroids Series: Expanded

When I started this whole Superhero Movies on Steroids Series, I wrote in my original post that I was going to stop at All-Star Superman.  My thinking was the summer of 2011 was the start to a new superhero movie era, and I wanted to rank the past era up until that point.  Now I realize that’s pretty lame.

So I will be continuing this series and include the films (both live action and animated) that we saw this past summer.  After the animated release of Batman: Year One next month is when I’ll be posting my super duper mega superhero movie ranking list in which I will countdown from the very worst to the very best, my personal superhero movie rankings, as well as provide a definitive winner for the all categories (along with some new ones).  And really, this series will never end.  Whenever a new superhero movie is released, I will be reviewing it the same way I always have and be adding it to where it places on my rankings list.  So there you go.

Superhero Movies on Steroids Series: Movie #107

All-Star Superman (2011, animated)

 

Plot: When Superman (James Denton) gets exposed to solar radiation, his powers increase to an unhealthy state and he is not given much time to live.  It’s discovered that this was Lex Luthor’s (Anthony LaPaglia) plan all along, and he has one more sinister plot for the world.  It’s up to Superman to stop him, but his time is running out.

This is a weird movie, and I don’t like it too much.  The overlying theme of Superman on his deathbed is interesting, but the movie has absolutely no focus.  It bounces around 25 different things and is just a frustrating experience.  There is so much crap forced into this movie, it’s ridiculous.  There are these weird dinosaur creatures that look like Leatherhead from Ninja Turtles, Parasite is shoehorned in leading to a pointless prison riot, there are random Kryptonians who show up and take over the world for five minutes, and then at the end, this Solaris thing is thrown in as a Sun eater who looks like one of the spiked balls from Minesweeper.  Nothing is explained.  The film is infused with random crap.  No one notices a huge underground base right under Lex Luthor’s prison cell.  How did he build this?  Come on!    It’s just a mish mash of confusing crap.  I don’t understand why they just couldn’t focus on the main story of Superman coming to grips with his death.  This needed to be simplified.  And going back to the weird factor, there’s just a lot of things in here that really caught me off guard.  Why does Superman’s fortress of solitude look like a five-star hotel complete with fancy restaurant?  Why is everyone’s neck really fat?  I don’t like the animation in this at all.  The voice acting is mediocre to bad all around.  And I really don’t need to see Lois Lane with Superman’s powers flying around in a cape…ugh.  But the absolute worst part about this movie were these two random douchebags from the future, Samson and Atlas.  These guys are so annoying.  Much like everything else in this movie, they randomly come in for no reason, and are all of a sudden bringing in this Egyptian Sphinx, then they want to challenge Superman to a duel, I don’t know, I really hated these characters.  They blew bags.  The saving grace of this whole mess was the last ten minutes.  The ending is pretty damn good because they actually focus on Superman’s impending death and Luthor’s big threat.  That’s what the whole movie should have been!  This is entertaining here and there, but All-Star Superman is ultimately a giant mess of a film.

Rating: 5 out of 10 (Barely Passable Entertainment)

Category Rankings (Spoilers Throughout):

Best Performance: Anthony LaPaglia as Lex Luthor
-We actually get a pretty solid Luthor here.  Not goofy, but a pretty threatening villain.  The voice was a little hoarse though, but it works well.

Worst Performance: Edward Asner as Perry White
-This performance really sucked, although I have to admit, I think the voice came off even worse than it was because of the way Perry White was animated.  His neck is so fat, and that combined with the voice really reminded me of Jabba the Hutt.

Best Line: “I’ve always liked you, Kent.  You’re humble, modest, comically uncoordinated.  Human.  In short, you’re everything he’s not.” –Luthor
-That illustrates Luthor’s feelings on Superman so well.  And of course it’s just oozing with irony, so there you go.

Worst Line: “Great Caesar’s Ghost!” –Perry White
-I really hate this line, I’m sorry.  It symbolizes the inability to move on from the ancient Superman material.  This line doesn’t work and needs to go away from future Superman related movies. 

Best Fight:
-Superman and the super-powered Luthor at the end is the only option.  It’s alright, but could have been better.  The dialogue between them though is pretty solid.  I especially like Luthor’s realization at the end.

WTF Moment:
-Jimmy Olsen is wearing women’s clothing.  You assume it’s for an undercover story, but they explicitly say it’s not.  So…why is he wearing women’s clothing?

Best Scene:
-The interaction betweenClark Kent and Luthor in prison is pretty interesting.  I like Luthor’s reasoning for why he selects Clark to write the ‘Superman is dead’ story.  He’s everything Superman isn’t.  It’s intriguing that Luthor still has no idea Clark is Superman, even at the very end of his life.  But this scene is almost ruined when Parasite randomly starts a prison riot for ten minutes.  Just focus on the Kent/Luthor relationship!  But that was the whole movie in a nut shell…no focus.

Worst Scene:
-The whole sequence with the other Kryptonians is really lame.  So these random Kryptonian astronauts have just been floating around in space for years.  They come to Earth.  They try and take over.  It turns out they were exposed to kryptonite while traveling.  And before dying, they forgive Superman for what they did.  This is about a ten minute sequence.  What a complete waste of time.

Funniest Moment:
-Superman visits Luthor in prison and tries one last time to reconcile with him.  Luthor just spits at the window.

Bad Ass Moment:
-Superman on the verge of turning into pure energy and barreling into the sun was pretty bad ass.

Superhero Movies on Steroids Series: Movie #106

The Green Hornet (2011)

Plot: After Britt Reid’s (Seth Rogen) wealthy father (Tom Wilkinson) passes away, party boy Britt is left with his father’s inheritance and the responsibility of running his newspaper, the Daily Sentinel.  When Britt meets his father’s long time mechanic (Jay Chou), the two take on the mantle of masked vigilantes as Britt makes his alter ego (the Green Hornet) the primary focus of the paper, giving him influence and name recognition.

Alright, the first half is total garbage…but it gets better.  The concept of heroes acting like villains to trick the criminals is solid, but it’s not executed with a lot of passion from director Michel Gondry.  There’s some really bad acting going on.  The first scene between the young Britt and his dad played by Tom Wilkinson is pretty poor.  I always hate to pick on the kid actors, but Joshua Chandler Erenberg as the young Britt should concentrate more on his acting and less on having a long name.  The biggest problem I have with this movie is that I can’t figure out what the tone is supposed to be.  The sequence of events is just awkward.  Britt’s at his dad’s funeral, then he meets Kato, they immediately go on a joy ride in the weapon filled car, and then Britt randomly decides to become a superhero.  This seriously happens in the span of maybe fifteen minutes.   Is this a comedy?  Is it comedy, but with serious action?  Is the action supposed to be funny?  Are we supposed to take the drama seriously?  Overall, it’s meant to be a comedy, but the problem is it’s not very funny.  I laughed once during the entire first half.  The script is pathetic, and it’s not like they have superior comedic actors to juice it up.  I’m sorry, Seth Rogen is not funny.  I just can’t stand it.  Why do people love this guy?  I don’t want to turn this into a Seth Rogen rant, but he just doesn’t work in this movie at all.  I think this could have been a really funny superhero take if a better comedic actor was in the role.  The other actors like Jay Chou, Cameron Diaz, and Christoph Waltz as the villain are alright, but nothing special.  There is a lot of overacting going on though, especially when Britt goes into his first newspaper meeting and tries to name the masked vigilante he’s secretly portraying.  Edward James Olmos plays the Newspaper Editor and looks half asleep during the film.  I actually find the villain quite annoying, and I don’t like the long running joke of him going through a villain mid-life crisis as he tries to give himself a generic bad guy name complete with a signature speech before killing his victims.  For all my complaining, the film did grow on me in the second half.  For whatever reason, I found myself invested more in the characters, the jokes got a little better, and there’s even a solid suspense driven scene involving a USB drive at the end, even though the entire sequence ends up amounting to nothing…lame.  But there’s not a lot here, and even the cool car devices are things we’ve seen a hundred times in James Bond films.  If this had a better lead actor, it could have been cool, but the Green Hornet is mostly forgettable.

Rating: 5.5 out of 10 (Passable Entertainment)

Category Rankings (Spoilers Throughout):

Best Performance: Jay Chou as Kato
-In the beginning, he’s actually pretty bad, but this is the character that grows on you the most, and he is a fairly big bad ass.

Worst Performance: Seth Rogen as Britt Reid/Green Hornet
-There’s just nothing here.  He sleep-walks through the comedy.  He sleep-walks through the drama.  And when he screams, it’s always the same pitch.

Best Line:  “I can see by that stupid expression you’ve had on your face for the past five minutes that you’re trying to piece this together.” –Scanlon
-This is pretty clever.  Britt pieces together how his father came to die as he flashes back memories in his head, and when he comes out of it, Scanlon calls him out on actually doing this, as if Scanlon was watching the flashbacks with us, the audience.

Worst Line: “I call it the black beauty.” –Kato on the weapon car
                             “It’s beautiful…and it’s black.” –Britt
-This is what I mean about the writing being lazy.  Not only is the name ‘Black Beauty’ cliché, but Britt’s reaction to it is so uninspired…Really, that’s the joke you’re going to go with?  Reversing the words?

Best Fight:
-Britt and Kato have a mildly amusing fight in Britt’s room.  Britt smashes Kato’s face on a foosball table and uses the foosball players to hit him in the head.  That’s funny.  There’s also a cool shot where Kato throws Britt right through this very small window with pin point accuracy.

WTF Moment:
-This really pissed me off, and I totally blame the director.  Sometimes when Kato fights, we see it quickly through his point of view.  Before he attacks, people and objects light up red, almost like he’s a computer planning his attack.  It’s so visually distinctive, that it feels like Kato has some super power or something, but it’s never explained.  I guess it’s just a directing technique on seeing how this guy plans his attack, but that’s really lame.  But what I hate even more is that Britt is randomly able to do it at the end, with no training whatsoever!  And he’s just as good as Kato!  What the hell!  Oh, but instead of things lighting up red, they light up green.  You know, because he’s the Green Hornet.  Wow…that’s unbelievably lame.

Best Scene:
-James Franco has a glorious cameo that unfortunately only lasts one scene.  But he monologues, and basically just rips into Waltz’s character, Chudnofsky.  It’s the one scene that’s written really well, and Franco delivers it flawlessly.

Worst Scene:
-Cameron Diaz’s character Lenore comes into the picture, and in her first scene, Britt basically tries to impress her.  This was the low point for Seth Rogen.  It’s not that he does anything embarrassing or horrible: it’s just that he’s supposed to be really funny and charismatic in this scene, but he’s anything but.  And it lasts for a long time.  It’s just awkward. 

Funniest Moment:
-Britt and Kato are driving around as Britt spots shoes hanging on a telephone wire.  Britt responds in a very serious manner with, ‘I think we’re in the hood,’ as he looks at the shoes.  That’s a funny line.

Bad Ass Moment:
-Kato and Britt are in the kitchen.  Kato gets mad at Britt and unleashes a lethal punch.  Britt dodges, but the punch completely destroys this cabinet.  Wow, that’s some punch.

Superhero Movies on Steroids Series: Movie #105

Megamind (2010, animated)

 Plot: When super villain Megamind (Will Ferrell) accidentally defeats his super hero nemesis Metro Man (Brad Pitt), he tires of ruling the city and longs for the days when he did battle with the city’s savior.  Megamind tries to find other ways to bring his super villain life any meaning.

As far as superhero lore goes, Megamind certainly has some interesting ideas, but it’s too scared to go the places a film like the Incredibles has gone.  The idea of a super villain actually succeeding and having no clue what to do afterwards is pretty intriguing, but this just sticks to being a kid’s movie.  The first thirty minutes is nothing more than annoying goofy antics, which is really apparent in the origin.  Both Megamind and Metro Man’s ships bounce into each other, which sends Megamind’s pod to a prison…eh.  It’s also way too blatant a Superman rip-off.  They give Metro Man the exact same powers as Superman.  Everything from his strength to his heat vision/freeze breath.  Could it be anymore obvious?  The city they live in is Metro City…Come on.  And Will Ferrell even does a Marlon Brando/Jor-el voice later on.  It’s just too much Superman influence to the point where they could probably sue.  Early on, Megamind engages Metro Man in battle, and it feels like a parody of the genre.  It’s almost like they were actors at a theme park attraction performing a skit.  I know that’s the tone they were going for, but I don’t like the way it comes off.  The film takes a better turn in the second half and bangs on the door of being something more.  The voice acting is the highlight of the movie.  I thought I would hate Will Ferrell in this, but aside from the first act, he’s actually toned down in comparison to his live action work.  And he surprisingly creates a multi-layered character who’s not just a goofball.  Brad Pitt, Tina Fey, Jonah Hill, David Cross, they are all top notch.  The best part of the movie is the relationship and banter between Megamind and his sidekick cleverly named Minion.  Their friendship is the heart of the film.  The romantic angle between Megamind and news reporter Roxanne also works very well.  Like I said, there are some solid ideas here, and the character of Megamind is developed very well.  I liked the ending quite a bit.  It goes in a direction that I really did not see coming.  I wish the movie could have been funnier.  I didn’t really laugh that much, but it had some solid chuckles, like when Megamind was planning on building an illiteracy beam.  For all the good this film has to offer though, there are two aspects that piss me off to no end.  The first is this lame long running joke of Megamind mispronouncing words.  It’s stupid.  But the worst is the clichéd use of popular rock songs.  AC/DC.  Guns & Roses.  Ozzy.  Michael Jackson.  Come on!  You’ve got to be kidding me?  Seriously, they pull out all the stops.  Back in Black.  Welcome to the Jungle.  Crazy Train.  It’s all there.  This is so frustrating.  It’s like some guy in the music department realized he had one day left to put in music and just grabbed an old mix tape he made twenty years ago and pressed play.  Megamind is worth seeing, but the ideas certainly outweigh the context.    

Rating: 6.5 out of 10 (slightly better than ‘meh’)

Category Rankings (Spoilers Throughout):

Best Performance: Will Ferrell as Megamind
-At first he was just typical Will Ferrell, but later on he actually conveys vulnerability to the character pretty convincingly.

Worst Performance: Stephen Kearin as the Mayor
-I couldn’t really think of one, but I guess this guy sounded too much like the generic mayor in a lot of animated movies.  Whatever.

Best Line: “You were right about that door being exciting.” –Roxanne to Megamind impersonating Bernard
-When you read the line here, it’s nothing.  But let me put it into context.  Here’s what happened a few minutes earlier:

Megamind (as Bernard): Look, that door looks exciting!
Roxanne: No, it says ‘Exit.’
Megamind: Which is the abbreviation for ‘Exciting,’ right?

I thought that was pretty funny.

Worst Line: “Hey, who needs him? We can beat Titan ourselves! I say we go back to the Evil Lair, grab some laser guns, hold ‘em sideways and just go all gangsta on him!” –Roxanne
-Even someone as talented as Tina Fey couldn’t make ‘gangsta’ work.

Best Fight:
-Megamind against Titan at the end was alright.  There’s a lot of cool trickery by Megamind.

WTF Moment:
-I mentioned this in the opening, but it’s the blatant Superman rip-offs, especially when Will Ferrell pretends to be a Jor-el like character.  The voice is almost identical to Marlon Brando, but then Ferrell decides to steer away from it completely, but then it comes back again.  It was really annoying.

Best Scene:
-When Megamind is training Titan, there’s a hilarious Donkey Kong parody with the barrels that really got me going.

Worst Scene:
-Everyone at the end dancing to ‘Bad.’  It’s a common kid’s movie cliché to have everyone just dance at the end, but the fact that it’s to ‘Bad’ is just icing on the crap cake.

Funniest Moment:
-When Megamind takes over Metro City, there are ‘No you Can’t’ signs plastered everywhere…hahaha.

Bad Ass Moment:
-When Megamind uses his de-hydration gun on Titan in mid-air, and then lands him in the water to re-hydrate him, immediately shooting him with the de-infuser gun as he does was pretty slick.

 

Football and Superheroes

Tonight is the best night of the year.  Why is that?  NFL KICK-OFF!  Yup, the NFL kicks off another great season, and this one feels extra special due to the fact that it almost didn’t happen. 

But with all these superhero movies I’ve been seeing and reviewing lately, I thought it would be fun to pull out a few superheroes (and villains) and predict what NFL teams they would root for.  Would Superman be a Dallas Cowboys fan?  What jersey does Batman wear when he watches NFL Sunday Ticket in the Batcave as Alfred serves him a Bud Light?  Let’s take a look:

Superman would be an Indianapolis Colts Fan:

- Superman is such a powerful human being and can literally destroy you at will.  That’s what Peyton Manning does.  Peyton can pick apart a defense like he’s not even trying, just as Superman can rip through walls and barely realize he’s doing it.  I think Superman and Peyton can identify with each other due to their similar power levels.  And they both have their own kryptonite, Peyton’s being the playoffs.

Lex Luthor would be a Dallas Cowboys Fan:

-I think this one’s pretty obvious.  Lexcorp is worth well over a billion dollars, and Luthor thinks all the ridiculous weapons and robots he builds are bettering mankind, but really everyone just sees him as trying to take over the world…Jerry Jones anyone?  It’s that reason alone why Luthor wears the Tony Romo jersey on Sundays.  If there’s anyone in superhero lore that would build the type of Stadium Jerry built, it would be Lex Luthor.

The Flash would be a Carolina Panthers Fan:

-The Flash can do one thing really well: run fast.  The Panthers can do one thing really well: run fast.  With two dynamic running backs in their back field (DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart), I think Flash would totally identify with this team’s philosophy.

Doomsday would be a San Diego Chargers Fan:

-The Chargers are an insanely talented and frightening team, but ultimately, their season is short lived.  Much like Doomsday, the Chargers don’t come in with any real plan and just try to bash their opponents apart with offense.  Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.  Doomsday can relate.

Wolverine would be a Baltimore Ravens Fan:

-The Ravens consistently have one of the best defenses in the NFL.  They play ferocious and angry.  This is Wolverine in a nutshell.  It’s not always a pretty win, but the Ravens are usually left standing with a victory because nobody can score against them.  Wolverine can just keep healing…you’ll never injure him.  There’s no doubt in my mind that Wolverine has a Ray Lewis jersey hanging in his closet.

Magneto would be a Pittsburgh Steelers Fan:

-Magneto feels the mutant race doesn’t get enough respect.  The Steelers are always there in the end, but they are never picked to win the Super Bowl.  And when you disrespect the Steelers, they make you pay dearly.  They are a smart, cold, and calculating team, much like the leader for the Brotherhood of Mutants.  Plus, their team name is the Steelers…Steel-ers.  Magneto can bend metal…come on!

Captain America would be a New England Patriots Fan:

-I think this one speaks for itself.  Patriots.  Captain America.  Yea, that sounds right.  But I also think Tom Brady and Captain America are cut from the same cloth.  When we look at Tom Brady, we see a guy who worked his ass off his whole life, but never got any football respect.  He was taken in the sixth round, nothing but an afterthought.  Steve Rogers was the same way: just a scrawny skinny guy who no one thought much of.  But much like the Patriots took a chance on Brady, the Army did with Rogers as well, giving him the super serum.  When both men got the opportunity, they led their teams gloriously and selflessly to victory.  Besides, Captain America is also a brilliant tactician, much like Brady and Bill Belichick.

 Two-Face would be a Houston Texans Fan:

-Aside from the fact that they always seem to go 8-8 (which Two-Face would absolutely love), the Texans really are a Two-Faced team.  Sometimes they are fantastic, but other times they play like one of the worst teams in the League.  Much like how Two-Face flips his coin to make a decision, I feel like the Texans do as well, and decide whether they are going to be the good Texans…or the bad Texans.

Batman would be a Green Bay Packers Fan:

-This one was hard, but in the end, why would Batman not be a fan of the reigning Super Bowl Champs?  Batman trained for years to become the perfect weapon.  It seems like Aaron Rodgers waited for years to finally get the starting job from the villainous Brett Favre, who I guess we can compare to Ra’s Al Ghul if we’re using the Christopher Nolan continuity.  But other than that, the Packers have a complete team on both sides of the ball, just like Batman is a complete fighter.  The Packers may not be the best at any of their positions, but they are solid all around, just like Batman.

The Joker would be a Philadelphia Eagles Fan:

-Madness.  Chaos.  Unpredictable.  These are all words you can use to describe the Joker…and the Philadelphia Eagles.  Michael Vick is the most unconventional QB in the League, but he’s also ridiculously successful.  When you look at the Eagles offense, it’s just crazy.  You have no idea what’s going to happen.  Will Vick throw deep to DeSean Jackson?  Will he hand it off to the dynamic LeSean McCoy?  Will Vick himself run 10 yards?  The way Vick plays is totally insane.  He leaves himself open to injury on every play, like he doesn’t even care.  That’s the Joker!  He’ll do whatever it takes to drive his opposition mad, even if it means taking a massive beating. 

Well there you have it.  Now when you watch football on Sundays, you can imagine the Joker wearing an Eagles hat, or Luthor sitting in his office with a Dallas Cowboys jersey.

Superhero Movies on Steroids Series: Movie #104

Superman/Batman: Apocalypse (2010, animated)

Plot: When Superman’s (Tim Daly) cousin Kara (Summer Glau) crash lands on Earth, she gains the attention of Darkseid (Andre Braugher), ruler of the distant and dark planet Apokolips.  As Darkseid attempts to brain wash Kara to serve him, Superman (along with Batman (Kevin Conroy) and Wonder Woman (Susan Eisenberg)) must rescue her before she leads an Apokolips army into Earth.

This is a solid effort, but a few little things here and there hinder it from being great.  The animation is pretty good for the most part, although Batman (especially his ears) looks a little funny.  The dialogue isn’t anything special.  Kara calls Batman ‘grumpy ass,’ Superman is kind of a dick, and Batman says ‘damn’ at one point.  While we are given a lot of great environment shots, the film moves at an extremely slow pace.  But there’s a lot to love about this team up movie.  The characters are all written very well, and we’re even introduced to a new one, Big Barda, a one time servant of Darkseid.  She’s a charismatic character who you really feel for in a short amount time.  Darkseid is a pretty threatening villain, although I don’t really understand his rules.  He seems like such a powerful force, yet it’s almost like he has to hold back for some reason.  I just didn’t quite get that.  There’s one scene where he pops up out of no where that really catches you off guard.  One of his servants goes by the name Granny Goodness, and she’s voiced by Edward Asner…that was weird.  The overall storyline of Kara trying to adapt to Earth and having a tiff with Batman works very well, and it’s Kara’s story that really drives the movie.  Overall, this is a good film, and definitely worth it just to see Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman all work together.

Rating: 7 out of 10 (Good)  

Category Rankings (Spoilers Throughout):

Best Performance: Julianne Grossman as Big Barda
-In a movie with Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, and all these other big names, I’m surprised this is my choice.  But Grossman does a good job of making us feel just how evil and horrible Darkseid is.

Worst Performance: Andre Braugher as Darkseid
-It was alright I guess, but it could have sounded deeper and more threatening.

Best Line: “Send me the bill.” –Superman after Kara destroys Batman’s computer
                          “On a Reporter’s salary…right.” –Batman
-Wow…Superman got owned.

Worst Line: “What’s wrong with the beast?” –Darkseid guard
                             “Must be something he ate.” –Other Darkseid guard
-This robotic beast ate Batman…get it?

Best Fight:
-Kara and Superman fighting Darkseid in Smallville was pretty ridiculous.  Superman even gets his shirt ripped…wow.

WTF Moment:
-This one really pissed me off.  So a bunch of Doomsday clones get sent to the Amazon to fight Superman and the Amazon warriors.  Superman is taking out Doomsdays with barely any effort!  Simple freeze breathe here, a little heat vision there, what the hell!  Not to long ago I watched Superman: Doomsday in which Superman and just one Doomsday ripped apart the entire city as Superman basically died!  WTF!

Best Scene:
-Batman totally outsmarts Darkseid at the end.  It’s classic Batman.  While Superman tries to bash him, Batman comes in and forces Darkseid to surrender Kara when he arms Darkseid’s hell spheres that will destroy Apokolips.  There’s also some solid dialogue between Batman and Darkseid.

Worst Scene:
-We really didn’t need to see Kara go on a shopping spree montage.

Funniest Moment:
-Superman has a dog named Krypto.  That’s not what made me laugh though.  He’s wearing a cape.  I don’t know…that’s just funny to me.

Bad Ass Moment:
-Another Batman moment.  Superman and Wonder Woman show up at Barda’s suburban neighborhood.  It takes a little convincing for Barda to let them in.  When they enter, Batman is already standing in the house looking at things…awesome.

Superhero Movies on Steroids Series: Movie #103

Jonah Hex (2010)

Plot: Taking place after the Civil War in the old West,  a power hungry soldier turned terrorist named Quentin Turnbull (John Malkovich) kills Jonah Hex’s (Josh Brolin) family and scars him for life, forcing Jonah to become a ruthless bounty hunter.  Despite warrants out for his arrest, the Government employs Hex to hunt down Turnbull as he comes into possession of a powerful weapon that may spell doom for the county.

I’m not going to sit here and tell you that Jonah Hex is a great work of art, but it’s not nearly as bad as it’s been heralded.  It opens with this lame animation sequence, but what makes Jonah Hex at the very least moderately entertaining is the acting.  John Malkovich is over the top, but he always brings charisma.  I like the eccentric villain Burke played with a lot of fun by Michael Fassbender.  But the man who really brings his A-game is Jonah Hex himself, Josh Brolin.  He’s really trying hard here.  He practically carries the film, and even has some great one-liners.  This is a putrid script and story, but these actors are at least bringing a solid energy to it.  I find this better than something like this past summer’s Priest, in which the story and script are equally as bad, but you have actors like Paul Bettany just bringing nothing to the table.  Now the one actress who isn’t up to the challenge is the one and only Megan Fox.  She is just a bad actress.  There’s no other way to put it.  There’s a scene right after her and Hex sleep together that is just painful.  I can’t even understand her at times as she mumbles through her lines.  She’s not as bad as she was in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, which is just a legendary poor performance.  Now I’ve been saying some nice things about this film, but it certainly has a shit load of issues.  First of all, nothing gets explained.  Things like Hex’s ability of talking to the dead or these giant golden marbles that can just destroy things…they just happen.  Talk about lazy filmmaking.  The worst are these random hallucinations scenes Hex has throughout the movie.  I have no idea what the hell is going on!  They don’t even explain Turnbull’s motives.  Why does he want to destroy the government?  They never get into his character at all.  We are supposed to just accept he’s the villain.  Despite getting a lot of effort from the actors, this movie does get really bland, just excruciatingly boring.  The editing is also piss poor.  We’ll be in a weird Jonah Hex hallucination moment, but then it switches to Turnbull firing the golden marbles with no smooth transition whatsoever.  It’s also got one of the worst scores ever in a superhero movie.  Like I said, this is no where near good, but Josh Brolin really saves it from being a complete misfire.  It’s not horrible, but nothing that needs to be seen.

Rating: 5.5 out of 10 (Passable Entertainment)

Category Rankings (Spoilers Throughout):

Best Performance: Josh Brolin as Jonah Hex
-If they ever attempted to re-make a good version of this, which I strongly doubt when looking at its box office, I’d love to see what Brolin could do with a good Jonah Hex script.

Worst Performance: Megan Fox as Lilah
-Just truly terrible.  She barely acts.  What’s amazing about her performance is that her mouth stays the exact same throughout the whole movie.  It’s kind of open, but it never moves, even when she speaks.  There’s a scene where she’s being held by Turnbull, but she doesn’t seem to care.

Best Line: “They talk about you down here.  You do yourself a favor.  You stay ahead of death as long as you can, you hear?  Because they got plans for you.” –Dead Jeb to Jonah Hex
-Wow, that stinks.  Not something for Hex to look forward to when he dies.

Worst Line: “Tuuuuurnbaaaaaallllllllll!!!” –Hex
-Megan Fox probably had a worse line, but I couldn’t understand any of them.  This was just a terrible scream by Hex.  Very Revenge of the Sith Darth Vader ‘Nooooooooooo’ like level.

Best Fight:
-Hex and Burke have a decent fight.  Hex lights his own hand on fire to punch Burke…that was cool.

WTF Moment:
-Hex goes to this underground wrestling match where one of the guys has snake like abilities and looks like Voldemort…Ummmm, could we address this?  What the hell is a random snake dude doing running around the old west?  Huh?

Best Scene:
-Even though this whole talking to the dead thing is completely random, Hex and Jeb do have a good conversation at the graveyard.  Even though Hex had to kill Jeb, Jeb respects him and understands why.  It’s actually a decent character scene for Hex.

Worst Scene:
-I’ve bitched about nothing getting an explanation in this movie, but this next one takes the cake.  Hex goes to this Indian tribe to heal, but why the hell does a bird suddenly fly out of his mouth?  Jonah Hex should be re-titled Random Images: the Movie.

Funniest Moment:
-The Sheriff and all these other townsfolk are about to kill Hex, but Hex certainly doesn’t show a lack of confidence as he stares down eight men and simply says, ‘five coffins…sure you don’t need eight.’ 

Bad Ass Moment:
-This one is probably my favorite Jonah Hex moment.  These two guys are sitting next to Hex at a bar and one of them claims Hex isn’t that tough.  He stands up to approach Hex.  You think it’s going to be some drawn out bad ass thing that Hex does to this guy, but in literally less than two seconds, Hex just shoots him with a gun underneath his hat.  Hex is pretty much like, ‘Yea, I don’t have time for you.’